Total Recall: The one with the F word.
It’s Total Recall where I “recycle” a post. After a few years the little hummingbird absolutely despises getting her nails trimmed and freaks out even more that when I first wrote this. Wherever you...
View ArticleI got along so well with my mother-in-law this past visit and we even got...
*This is a really whiny & ranty post. If you’re lucky and have a nice mother-in-law I just have one question. Can we trade? This last visit with the in-laws was one of the worst I’ve had with them....
View ArticleMonster-in-laws are back.
*It’s that time of the month (no not that time) for crazy mother-in-law/in-law posts. Remember, if you’d like to vent about your in-laws and of course be anonymous, email me at elle dot mommyhood at...
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Banging my head against a spike would be more fun.
This is a totall recall post which is something I repost because I’m being too much of a lazy ass because I like that I can look back and see what I was doing then. I wrote this when we were making...
View ArticleThings that go bump in the night.
My husband doesn’t believe in ghosts or hauntings unlike me. The house we currently live in has two ghosts. About 5 years ago when my husband and I were living in the D.C. area, I swore our apartment...
View ArticleWhat an asshole!
* I had no idea this post would turn into an issue. I just wrote what I saw with my own eyes while I was driving behind this man. I was behind him for several minutes and I don’t care if his daughter...
View ArticleSurviving a 3 year-old, you’re screwed.
I’ll just get right to the point. The little hummingbird has become this little ball of fire with her willfull ways and we’re making each other mental kind of driving each other crazy. She’s normally a...
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Pretending to be an adult.
I’m in my mid thirties and I feel like I’m still waiting to become a grown up. The main reason is that most of the time, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. With each year that passes, I’m starting...
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My first thought was “Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!”
So, as you may know, the little hummingbird was hospitalized at Stanford for an 18 hour controlled fast a few weeks ago (thank you all so much for the support!). I’ve had the hardest time writing...
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Getting my yearly pap and waiting for my doctor in the exam room for 25...
I had my yearly woman’s wellness visit last week. Aka, awkwardly laying down while your legs are up in the air and your feet are in metal stirrups. Yay! The hummingbird crawled into bed with me the...
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That bitch…. aka… my mother-in-law.
When I was younger, I saw how my mother-in-law treated my mom and couldn’t believe my stepdad NEVER stood up for her. I didn’t feel like it should have been my mom to say anything because that just...
View ArticleA cow farting on a piece of paper would make for better writing.
Holy fucking hell! Really, this week? REALLY??! It’s been unreal and I’m sure we’re all so drained and done with it. I have been fucking glued to the television. Especially since last night. I feel...
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I would love to take a hit off of the “know it all” bong my mother-in-law...
Haven’t you heard?! My mother-in-law is a fucking genius! She knows EVERYTHING! So, let’s go back a few weeks ago, to the weekend prior to the hummingbird’s 4th birthday on April 15th. I can only...
View ArticleSeeing a biological parent after several years of estrangement is scary as...
It’s been over 21 years since I’ve seen my biological “father” aka sperm donor and this weekend we’re going down to Los Angeles to see him. Well, hopefully it will be a quick visit since I only feel...
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My 4 year-old teenager.
My daughter is rocking what I’ve dubbed the “fuck you” 4′s. When the hummingbird turned 4, I wasn’t expecting her to be 4 going on 14. Damn, it’s like I’m getting a preview of her teen years. I think...
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Ryan, who?
Me: This guy in Dexter looks a bit like Ryan Gosling. Hubs: Looks like the actor who plays the guy who helps the older guy pick up chicks. Me: That *is* Ryan Gosling. Hubs: Oh. How my husband has no...
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My husband’s big wood broke our windshield.
What? I couldn’t resist. A few nights ago, my hubby went to Home Depot to get some big wood. I guess the wood he already has wasn’t enough. This is too easy. He loaded the big pieces of wood into our...
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The in-laws will be here in October. Who has a safe house I can stay at?
I found out the other night that I get another special visit from my-laws. HOLD ME! My MIL is the supreme queen bitch. Always giving me shit for my parenting skills and she seems stuck in the 1950′s...
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Edward Lobstah Hands
Yesterday, my husband said he needed help with dinner. Of course I rushed down right away… after I took a shower and read some emails. Because I’m helpful like that. Ha! I went downstairs into the...
View ArticleA week? The in-laws will be here a whole f*cking week?!
My in-laws were supposed to come visit us in Maine this month but now that’s changed. Instead, they’ll be coming here for Thanksgiving… for a whole fucking week. OH DEAR GOD NOOOO! I guess one thing...
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